October 24, 2007

The ups and downs of parenthood

I don’t usually write at night anymore. Writing at night has always held a sad feeling for me and was reserved for college nights long ago, drinking and writing poetry until I fell asleep. I’m writing tonight because I am weighed down with similar feelings to those back then. It has been a long day with my one and only and I spent it watching her try and work her way through another bout of constipation; she was sweating and red faced the entire afternoon. It turns out that spending the day in the apartment alone and helping her through it leaves me feeling the same way I did over ten years ago. Then, it was over a woman who never loved me, now it is over putting all of my energy into a girl who actually needs me more than I could have ever imagined. The level of exhaustion that I feel is only outweighed by the reward I get every time she smiles up at me with those saucers full of bright blue water that are her eyes.

Tomorrow is another day. We have been giving Annie a teaspoon of prune juice with each bottle of formula on the advice of a friend. I am hoping that instead of the explosive result of our first experiment this time around will be a little more regulated.

I guess today can be summed up in one word. Weary.


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