June 19, 2008

Live Blog of Midnight Screamfest

11:35—Annie wakes up and lets out a helpless little cry

11:38—Helpless little cry turns into helpless big cry

11:41—Cry no longer helpless…this kid wants my attention

11:45—On hunch, decide to check on blood curdling, wailing child. Find poop big enough to wake whole army of babies and it is just waiting to breach the levees that are her size 3 Pampers.

11:49—In keeping with what all other mothers and grandmothers tell me I vow to myself not to feed baby

11:50—Commence singing lullabyes to Annie that are both out of tune and lacking many words. “Go to sleep, and good night. Da da Da da da Da. Mmm m mmm m Mmm m Mmm. Mmm m Mmm m m Mmm.”

11:51—Annie pushes my face away as if I’m trying to steal her bob

11:54—Sit down in rocker with Annie hoping that this will calm her. She promptly pushes my face away as if I’m trying to steal all her bobs

12:00—Put Annie down (still screaming) and leave room. Maybe I’m just too fun to sleep around

12:10—Enter room, find ten bobs scattered on the floor like confetti. Put bobs in crib. Pat baby. Leave room.

12:12—Screams now seem to be damaging baby’s vocal chords. Open internet and surf web.

12:14—Wonder if anyone on earth is really stupid enough to think this isn’t offensive…http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/06/the_downfall_of_the_sock_obama.html#hp

12:17—Her cries are getting more plaintive. They are punctuated with a certain awareness at this age. And a certain bit of “Fuck you dad, feed me and we can put an end to this.”

12:23—Re-enter room to find Annie sitting up and crying so helplessly that I just want to crawl in bed with her and make it stop. She is whimpering.

12:25—Find myself enjoying new Coldplay album. Probably because there are no radio station in Louisiana, and I consequently have not heard all 10 tracks 10 thousand times.

12:30—Yes I forgot to tell you that it is well after midnight. Annie has been crying for almost one hour.

12:33—This is kind of what Annie sounds like…http://www.slate.com/id/2193863/

12:37—You really can get lost in Ebay when you are cruising for golf stuff. Even in the middle of the night when you are just trying to drown out your daughter’s pleas for help.

12:40—I want…http://www.clevelandgolf.com/woods.html

12:41—Check on Annie…her cries are lessening in volume, but not ending. Why won’t she sleep? She only wakes up every few nights, but this can’t go on. She is going to have a little sister soon who is never going to sleep and I can’t deal with two night owls at once.

12:23—Just spent the last twelve minutes sitting with her and rubbing her chest. I could feel her strong harp knocking on her delicate ribcage. She was hyperventilating a bit. She calmed down towards the end so I left.

12:23:30—She’s crying again

12:57—I didn’t realize that for the last two times I wrote 12:23 and not 12:53…I’m tired.

12:58—Hmm. She hasn’t cried for over a minute.

1:00 A.M.—Three minutes

1:03 A.M.—Six Minutes

1:07 A.M.—Ten Minutes. Post to Blog. Ignore typos. Good night, dear Annie.


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