November 7, 2007

Where is Lex Luthor?

I hate to harp on one subject for too long, but I have earned a little more discussion about the incredible sleeping baby. Right now, at 7:38 on Wednesday morning, Annie is still sound asleep. She is approaching the twelve hour mark again, and last night she barely made a peep. I would go in and wake her up, but my wife did that yesterday and Annie actually appeared to be angry with her. Instead, I’m going to ride it out and see how long she lasts. However, since I am still haunted by the thought that she isn’t alive in there, I will be checking on her periodically.

I am currently wrestling with some strange feelings about all of the sleeping that’s going on around here. I slept more last night than the previous two, but I was still up multiple times. Like Annie for most of the last four months I can’t seem to get over the 2 A.M. hump. I don’t know why I even check the clock anymore when I wake up. And it’s not even that I roll over all sleepy-eyed and sneak a peak. I am wide awake. It takes some time for me to settle back down each time it happens.

The second issue has taken me a few days to realize. Since Annie started sleeping I have felt a little bit lost during the day. Between errands, cleaning the house, and making dinner, I typically have plenty to do on top of raising Annie, but this week all of those tasks seem a little ponderous. Then yesterday, while she was sleeping beatifically on my lap it dawned on me. I have lost my arch rival. Without a nemesis to deal with, my life as a stay-at-home-dad seems mundane. I was pouring all of my energy into this one thing, and now that it is over I have to switch directions. I should be transferring all of that energy into raising a wonderful daughter, but that part comes easily to me.

When my wife reads this she will tell me that it is time to step up my game educationally. Much of what Annie and I do so far has more to do with me than her. We work on all of the things that a baby should: Rolling over, sitting up, reading, listening to music, dexterity, etc., but all of this is fit into the schedule of my day. If my wife were staying home she would have Annie on a very strict regimen of learning that was specifically geared around all of the developmental milestones a baby goes through. I hope that I am not a lazy complacent parent. I am very comfortable in my role as primary caregiver, but educator is one area that my wife would be much more suited for. When it came to school I was an underachiever and that is the last thing that I want Annie to be. It is time to rethink what I stand for.


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