September 27, 2007

Fooled You! (read in Dark Helmut’s voice)

Remember yesterday when I touted what a great week Annie was having? I don’t. I’m so sleep deprived after last night that it is difficult for me to think straight. She went to bed at 9 O’clock, and with a tummy full of milk I expected about five hours of sleep…she of course obliged with two! Two! That’s like expecting a Red Ryder BB Gun under the tree and after getting the pink bunny suit instead.

Let me try and explain what this feels like for those of you who have not been through it. You work hard on the established bed time routine. Which after all of the singing, bathing, lotioning, reading, feeding, swaddling, and soothing, takes about an hour and a half. Then, when she finally goes to sleep, you sneak out to spend the one hour of the day in which you are alone with your wife. When Law & Order is over you go to bed at 10 O’clock, hoping for three to four hours of sleep. Right when you are about to enter REM sleep, you are suddenly stirred with her unique little cry.

When was the last time you were woken up right before entering deep sleep? It was probably because of an emergency phone call or a loud thunder storm. When you are stunned out of sleep after only an hour you can’t focus your eyes and you need a fork lift to raise your head from the pillow. Now try doing this every night. To top it off, after you are awake you have to get it together enough to make her a bottle and feed her without falling asleep until she finishes. Now put her back to bed. Swaddle, sooth, repeat.

Fortunately, I was rewarded this morning with Annie’s first trip to Dad’s day out. I have been looking forward to this day for a month now and I was desperately in need of some alone time. I dropped her off at 9:30 and met the women that would be taking care of her for four hours a day, two times a week. They were two wonderful Grandmothers who were happy to get their hands on a cute little baby such as mine.

Funny thing though, I was pretty upset leaving her. I knew that she was going to be fine, and I wasn’t concerned with her caregivers, but I felt like she was being pulled out of my arms. We have spent so much time together in the last month that the thought of not soothing her when she needs it made me pause. Not having her in my arms this morning somehow invalidated my existence. What was a 31 year old man doing hitting golf balls for two hours on a Thursday morning? I felt like anyone who saw me today, saw me without my wing man…Butch Cassidy without Sundance. Who was going to aid me in shooting my way out of any potential trouble?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baby Godzilla

Hee Hee! You won't sleep soundly for the REST of your life! And remember when you used to be punctual? Well, maybe YOU don't since it never happened to begin with, but you'll never be on time again either.

"Never" comes from a vast 4.5 years of experience.

October 1, 2007 at 10:49 AM  

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